part one

     Now, I was diagnosed as bipolar manic depressive at the ripe old age of 16 by a whack job shrink who put me on some shit called depakote. The koter as me and my friends liked to call it, was good as a tranquilizer if you took enough of it. This meant we had to find a way to consume large quantities of it quickly and while there was always the option of shaking a handful from the bottle and eating them, that was to easy for us and made the substance take to long to kick in. So after debating various ways to take it we decided that cooking it down was out of the question and that smoking the koter was the answer. This was achieved by scraping the coating off of the pill and then crushing up the drug with whatever was handy then we’d throw it in a bowl on top of some weed and smoke away.
     Personally, depakote never did shit for me. Did it help with my mood swings? No. Did it give me a headache? Yes. Did the pills smell good? Yes (this is always very important, most narcotics have a distinct smell but depakote smelled like bubble gum, an easy way to tell it was low grade bunk). So what is a girl to do? Start a drug trade off...
     Now ritalin on the other hand, was my nutcase drug of choice. In the pharmatherapy world, ritalin is the equivalent of crystal meth or cocaine. For those of you in the audience who have missed out on the pleasure of this fine substance (although given the amount of children who are hooked on this shit, I figure most of you have “experimented” with it) I highly recommend finding a doctor and telling him “lately, I haven’t been able to concentrate, my attention span is low and my mind is rapidly shifting topics” (the key to getting drugs from doctors is knowing the symptoms for a specific “disorder” and saying you have them...really...it is that easy). This ties into the drug trade because during college there was a boy who lived on my floor that had a script for 20 milligram ritalin pills who liked downers. Logically, the thing for me to do was give him 5 depakote per one ritalin and when you have over 500 depakotes that equals a lot of ritalin.

The moral of this story...

     Lately, I haven’t been able to get my hands on any ritalin (if you have some, please send) so I’ve resorted to taking neurontin (which I get from an anonymous source), a major barbiturate that actually does help my mood swings (although in my experience plain old weed tends to be the best answer for anyone with mood disorders). Help me help you. Instead of playing pharmaceutical drug roulette just go out and buy a big fat sack of pot. It’s easier than dealing with the quacks and better for your liver.

Anne McMillen (AKA) AnnieM is a manic depressive who is currently living on the charity of her brothers couch. She is very single although there is a certain girl whose pants Annie is dying to get into, and there is also a guy who has a script for Oxycotin that Annie’s been thinking of “dating”. In her free time (which is all of her time) she enjoys substance abuse, video games, reading philosophy (because she is that pretentious), listening to music, and being a normal asshole from Ohio. When not busy playing pool or online spades, Annie some how fines time to write, obsessivly compulsivly, leaving her with a large arsenal of words she plans on unleashing on the “free” world.